Open Mouth; Insert Foot

Ode to Embarrassment:

When with my friends, I'm rather witty;

I ought to be paid for my word-smithy.

But when it comes to the other gender,

Awkward blunders is all I tender.

So, the rhyme is a little loose in places, but I composed it on the spot and it's the utter truth (pun intended).  Why is it that the most embarrassing times happen when you feel the most is at stake?  It would appear that many people crack under the pressure.  At least I'm not the only one.  The following are real experiences; the names have been left out and the context may be slightly altered to protect the innocent, but it was far too funny not to share!

Case in Point:

A young lady studying nursing is chatting with a colleague of the opposite gender, at least twice her age.  They're making polite and totally innocent banter. He jokes about her giving him an IV of Peppiness, as he's accustomed to having.  She says she doesn't do that, but if there's anything else she can do to let her know, then without thinking, she counters "Do you need a bed bath?"  The man, not sure how to respond to that, makes a b-line for the nearest door.  Through the tears of embarrassed laughter she and her coworkers are sharing, she confesses that she had just finished Clinicals the previous day and that's the first nursing task that came to mind.

Another Self-Inflicted Embarrassment:

A young woman (though still an adult) is working on a project with some coworkers, both male and female.  This young woman frequently has songs and movies streaming through her thoughts and can frequently be found blurting out-of-context portions of them as they come to mind.  At this particular moment in time, the conversation turns her mind toward a Shirley Temple film (Captain January) in which the little girl calls her adopted dad - a lighthouse keeper - and his fisherman friend to share her birthday cake with her.  At that moment, the young woman's internal mute button gives way and she blurts out the following movie quote, "Come and get it, sailors!"

So, in conclusion, I wish to give thanks to all those people out there - and right here - who always seem to say the most embarrassing things at the most inopportune times.  Take it from one who has lived through several of these moments: I've never seen anyone die of embarrassment, no matter how hard they try, so laugh it off and keep moving on; maybe next time, the other person will be the one who twists their tongue while you enjoy the moment!!

How Low Can You Go?!

This entry isn't so much about the date part of dating, but the socializing portion leading up to the date.  Perhaps this is where all battles are won or lost - before it really begins.  It's important not to take yourself too seriously or you might encounter an experience that could break you.

I have a firm conviction of the importance of being able to laugh at one's self in the face of embarrassment.  Sometimes you must laugh through severe discomfort, but I assure you, it's by far the best thing to do to avoid the urge to crawl into a remote hole somewhere and never come out.  So, here's the skinny on the situation I fell into tonight.

We're planning a CPR activity later this week for the women only in my LDS Ward - our enrichment activity.  I was at my weekly Family Home Evening group gathering and someone announced it for the ladies present.  One of the guys in our group asked what time he should show up.  After some of the others said that boys weren't invited, which he knew very well, I thought I would give him an option.

Thinking only of the chest compression portion of the CPR exercise (I assure you!), I said, "We'll be doing CPR, so if you wanna come and be the dummy. . . ."  I didn't even get it until he emphatically agreed to come and be the dummy.  Everyone lost it and I did too.  I turned so red in the face, I thought I had skipped forward 30 years, right into menopause.  I just about died!  It took a little while before I gathered my composure.  Way to impress the men-folk, Self; way to go.

All I can say is that I laughed 'til I cried and my ability to laugh at myself made it much easier to get closer to the others in the group.  I'm positive that if I had not laughed in that embarrassing moment, I would have cried in emotional pain and I would never have been able to face any of them again.  I still cried, but they were over-happy tears!

Oh, the things I say in mixed company.  Phew!!  Now, let that be a lesson to you.

The Key to Dancing - and Dating - When the Guy Goes This Way, Ladies, Always Give a Little Resistance Before You Follow

Welcome to the maiden voyage of this new blog ship I call Tea for Two to Tango. A bit of a tongue twister, but I thought it appropriate as dating is not always my cup of tea, nor do I often tango. But, this too shall pass, and there are plenty of men and women out there that drink deeply from the tea cup of courtship and give the dating scene a frequent whirl. I plan on doing plenty of reconnaissance with these and other people to discover what, I hope, will be the key to successful dating; that golden snitch in the game of life; the get out of jail free card within the dating monopoly. . . . Or, in the alternative, at least offer a few fun anecdotes and thoughts on how fun and funny this phase of life can really be.

To kick it off, there was an activity in my religious geographical boundary (yes, my LDS Ward). It was a Chili cook-off/contest followed by a "rootin' tootin'" good time on the dance floor. Yeah, laugh about that all you want, but that's actually how they advertised it on the fliers going around. I am aware that dating can be awkward, but must we showcase it?! Come, now, let's don't be silly. Anyway, I don't recall any funky odors at any time the whole night, which is a blessing, I'm sure. Let's leave it at that, shall we?!

So, I danced with six guys (once each) at that dance last night. . . not that I counted or anything. We went through the motions for the first half hour or so - literally - as we were instructed as to Country Swing. Over the years I have been to enough of these functions to say that I "know" some of the steps. The problem comes in not using them on a regular basis. Yeah, that saying about "use it or lose it?" I think they're on to something there.

Luckily, with a refresher course at the outset, and a a few good men, I surprised even myself on the dance floor. Six times. . . . well, maybe three times surprised in a slam-bang way with moves I was being led through by a young man who had obviously done this kind of thing several times before, and two or three times surprised by guys showing forth a valiant effort by practicing what they obviously learned half an hour ago - counting aloud and all. I must admit that either way, I had a fun time! What can I say - I'm easy to please.

More often than not I found myself as "that girl" standing on the side of the room watching the couples having fun dancing and hoping I'd be able to dance in the next song (and the song after that, and so forth). The best was when a guy mysteriously appeared at my side as I was talking to one of the fantastic ladies there. I thought, "Ooo, this one is sneaky, but I'd love to dance with him." Just as he turns toward me and I begin turning toward him, he reaches across me to take the hand of the girl I was just talking with and pulls her out onto the dance floor. That happened to me, not once, but several times last night. Phew! Being single at a dance is just as awkward at age twenty-seven as it was at age seventeen. You, know what? I'm sorry, that's not true. I think it was easier when I was seventeen!

I have to interject here that I nearly danced as many "solo" dances as I did partner dances last night (and would have danced more if they had played more of those songs). There's nothing wrong with that, and it's a lot of fun. But here's a guarantee I give you, ladies. (Lean in close, now!) If you wanna be sure you get some time out on that dance floor, bust a move during the line dances. That's where the magic begins and y'all - if I may sling some jargon - switch directions every time in those line dances for a reason, don't you think?

"Do guys really scout out their next dance partner during the line dances," you ask? Well, as I am obviously a most successful and seasoned veteran at this sort of thing, I would have to say, "Maybe, but just as likely not, however, at least you're out there cuttin' a rug on that dance floor!" Remember, I may be observant, but I am still single.

Whether you dance with one man several times or fifty men once or three men two times each or - well, you get the idea - or you just shine during those line dances, there's no end to the fun you could have going dancing. . . until they turn the music off and shut the lights down and tell you the fun's over. But, it's really all in your court as to how your dance experience goes. Next time, maybe I'll ask the guys to dance with me.

What can they say to my, "How 'bout you and me go dancin' in the dark?"
"No, thanks." At least they were polite about it. And I'm no worse off. It's not personal, it's business.

Look out!!